Bathroom Reviews
Falls festival, Lorne, Victoria, Australia:
The Falls festival is a four-day festival held in a forest near the Victoria coastal town of Lorne as well as Marion bay, Tasmania. Thousands of people fill the vacant clearing over new years to see acts play all through the day until late at night. Being in the middle of a forest, one would expect the event managers to have green initiatives in place. No glass is allowed into the festival to prevent the possibility of harming wildlife when the festival rolls out.
Another great idea is the implementation of green toilet facilities. The toilets were essentially long drops but the waste created in these facilities is used to fertilise the field the festival is held on… once all the patrons have vacated of course.
The process is simple: (paraphrasing the instructions for toilet use)
Step 1: make a deposit
Step 2: add a cup of wood-chips
Step 3: close lid
Step 4: wash hands (seemingly optional)
The male urinals were also an experience. A small grassed area located adjacent to the toilet blocks were reserved for urinal space. A short corrugated fence surrounded the area allowing eye contact to be made with people while one would urinate freely. Awkward. Gutters lined the fence and acted as a small urinal which seemed to be the perfect place to set off fireworks.
Availability of sinks/ soap: This was surprisingly well planned for. Personally, I always had access to soap and water apart from the last day when everyone apparently ran out of soap. The one thing I will say was the taps provided required one hand to operate a tap, much like those found behind bars, continuously which made it a little bit more difficult to get clean.
Hand dryers: Non-existent… duh
Availability of cubicles/ urinals: There was never shortage of places in the male urinals but 10-20min lines would form each morning for the cubicles. Pays to be an early-bird. Those waits can be unforgiving, especially if you had been drinking the night before. 
Interior design: A large cut out above the toilet provided a nice view and a place for smells to escape. But it would seem impossible to escape those smells. Only the strong survived those cubicles. The paintings on the outside were interesting and provided a place for the mind to wander and be removed from feelings of full capacity in the lower quarters.
Cleanliness: I was surprised at how well these toilets were kept to be honest. I’ve seen my fair share of festival bathrooms and I have to say, these were the cleanest. Volunteers tended to the bathrooms on a regular basis making them usable  That’s more than I can say for the toilets at Big Day Out, yikes! It wasn’t uncommon to find a pair of used undergarments at your feet either.
Miscellaneous things: Checking out your deposit when adding wood-chips was not uncommon among festival goers.
Given the conditions and stresses these facilities had to endure I think they were incredibly well made and organised.
8.5/10

Falls festival, Lorne, Victoria, Australia:

The Falls festival is a four-day festival held in a forest near the Victoria coastal town of Lorne as well as Marion bay, Tasmania. Thousands of people fill the vacant clearing over new years to see acts play all through the day until late at night. Being in the middle of a forest, one would expect the event managers to have green initiatives in place. No glass is allowed into the festival to prevent the possibility of harming wildlife when the festival rolls out.

Another great idea is the implementation of green toilet facilities. The toilets were essentially long drops but the waste created in these facilities is used to fertilise the field the festival is held on… once all the patrons have vacated of course.

The process is simple: (paraphrasing the instructions for toilet use)

Step 1: make a deposit

Step 2: add a cup of wood-chips

Step 3: close lid

Step 4: wash hands (seemingly optional)

The male urinals were also an experience. A small grassed area located adjacent to the toilet blocks were reserved for urinal space. A short corrugated fence surrounded the area allowing eye contact to be made with people while one would urinate freely. Awkward. Gutters lined the fence and acted as a small urinal which seemed to be the perfect place to set off fireworks.

Availability of sinks/ soap: This was surprisingly well planned for. Personally, I always had access to soap and water apart from the last day when everyone apparently ran out of soap. The one thing I will say was the taps provided required one hand to operate a tap, much like those found behind bars, continuously which made it a little bit more difficult to get clean.

Hand dryers: Non-existent… duh

Availability of cubicles/ urinals: There was never shortage of places in the male urinals but 10-20min lines would form each morning for the cubicles. Pays to be an early-bird. Those waits can be unforgiving, especially if you had been drinking the night before.

Interior design: A large cut out above the toilet provided a nice view and a place for smells to escape. But it would seem impossible to escape those smells. Only the strong survived those cubicles. The paintings on the outside were interesting and provided a place for the mind to wander and be removed from feelings of full capacity in the lower quarters.

Cleanliness: I was surprised at how well these toilets were kept to be honest. I’ve seen my fair share of festival bathrooms and I have to say, these were the cleanest. Volunteers tended to the bathrooms on a regular basis making them usable  That’s more than I can say for the toilets at Big Day Out, yikes! It wasn’t uncommon to find a pair of used undergarments at your feet either.

Miscellaneous things: Checking out your deposit when adding wood-chips was not uncommon among festival goers.

Given the conditions and stresses these facilities had to endure I think they were incredibly well made and organised.

8.5/10

SEASON FAECES

Howdy-doody ya’ll. I haven’t been posting regular reviews due to a severe lack of time to do so. Hopefully after the holidays I can get cracking on some interesting bathroom visits. I would also like to come up with a template for reviewing to make it easier to compare scores and give a more articulated definition to what the overall scores mean. I will definitely log my logs more studiously in the coming year.

Wee-ll, happy holidays!

The Austral Hotel, Adelaide, Australia
So, anyone who’s ever been to the austral will know that the establishment itself has a relatively relaxed atmosphere and is a favourite for many town enthusiasts to have a quiet jug or ten. Many of you might also be aware of the appalling state of the downstairs male bathroom at any given time.
Most of my austral visits have involved a disgusting bathroom encounter. Among finding items such as a pair of underpants on the floor of the single cubicle of the downstairs toilet, I’ve seen broken glass covering the space where the toilet seat should be. I’ve seen the cubicle wall on a 30 degree lean instead of being on a wall’s regular 90-dgeree stance to the ground.
For a while there was no soap dispenser and the mirror had bred removed from the wall. The hand dryer was also often out of order. However, on this particular night I decided (by accident) to use the disabled toilet.
These bathrooms are like comparing a burger from McDonald’s to a burger from Fancy Burger; like fancy burger just shits all over McDonald’s. This bathroom has a cooler tile pattern, is far cleaner, has soap and a full body mirror! My bedroom doesn’t even have a full body mirror! Then again, my bedroom doesn’t have a soap dispenser either.
I give this bathroom 7/10; clean, spacious, an untouched natural majesty.

The Austral Hotel, Adelaide, Australia

So, anyone who’s ever been to the austral will know that the establishment itself has a relatively relaxed atmosphere and is a favourite for many town enthusiasts to have a quiet jug or ten. Many of you might also be aware of the appalling state of the downstairs male bathroom at any given time.

Most of my austral visits have involved a disgusting bathroom encounter. Among finding items such as a pair of underpants on the floor of the single cubicle of the downstairs toilet, I’ve seen broken glass covering the space where the toilet seat should be. I’ve seen the cubicle wall on a 30 degree lean instead of being on a wall’s regular 90-dgeree stance to the ground.

For a while there was no soap dispenser and the mirror had bred removed from the wall. The hand dryer was also often out of order. However, on this particular night I decided (by accident) to use the disabled toilet.

These bathrooms are like comparing a burger from McDonald’s to a burger from Fancy Burger; like fancy burger just shits all over McDonald’s. This bathroom has a cooler tile pattern, is far cleaner, has soap and a full body mirror! My bedroom doesn’t even have a full body mirror! Then again, my bedroom doesn’t have a soap dispenser either.

I give this bathroom 7/10; clean, spacious, an untouched natural majesty.

KFC upstairs customer toilet, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia:
After travelling to Melbourne to see the Adelaide crows play the Hawthorn Hawks in the preliminary final this year I stumbled across what has so far been the hottest bathroom I’ve ever encountered. Temperature-wise of course.
Along the way there were many interesting public restrooms but I lost the names that match the photos I took so it might be some time before I get to reviewing those.
NEVERTHELESS, after the very intense game my family and I went to feed. We found a small restaurant to sit in and have beverages. The only problem with this establishment was the lack of bathrooms. I decided to walk around the streets to find try find a place to park.
I found a KFC on like, de-something street. Firstly I needed to buy something in order to use their bathroom. Nextly, it’s upstairs above a kitchen making it incredibly hot. Not only was it hot, but I had a box of Kfc chips in my pocket and was dressed in scarves and jumpers from the football. This made for the most uncomfortable bathroom experience in a while. It’s hard to concentrate on what you need to do when you’re dripping with sweat and simultaneously wanting to eat the chips in your pocket that you know you can’t because of the proximity your hands have had to your expletives.
The interior was pretty bland apart from the swanky design below the mirror. The presence of a needles box shows social consciousness. It also shows the low expectations this establishment has in regards to its customers.
Poor ventilation made this bathroom like a sauna where the steam contains trace amounts of people’s urine. Yeah. I went there. I give this bathroom a 5/10: Poor ventilation, had to buy stuff to use it, so hot, small and claustrophobic. Cool pattern below the mirror gets a point.

KFC upstairs customer toilet, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia:

After travelling to Melbourne to see the Adelaide crows play the Hawthorn Hawks in the preliminary final this year I stumbled across what has so far been the hottest bathroom I’ve ever encountered. Temperature-wise of course.

Along the way there were many interesting public restrooms but I lost the names that match the photos I took so it might be some time before I get to reviewing those.

NEVERTHELESS, after the very intense game my family and I went to feed. We found a small restaurant to sit in and have beverages. The only problem with this establishment was the lack of bathrooms. I decided to walk around the streets to find try find a place to park.

I found a KFC on like, de-something street. Firstly I needed to buy something in order to use their bathroom. Nextly, it’s upstairs above a kitchen making it incredibly hot. Not only was it hot, but I had a box of Kfc chips in my pocket and was dressed in scarves and jumpers from the football. This made for the most uncomfortable bathroom experience in a while. It’s hard to concentrate on what you need to do when you’re dripping with sweat and simultaneously wanting to eat the chips in your pocket that you know you can’t because of the proximity your hands have had to your expletives.

The interior was pretty bland apart from the swanky design below the mirror. The presence of a needles box shows social consciousness. It also shows the low expectations this establishment has in regards to its customers.

Poor ventilation made this bathroom like a sauna where the steam contains trace amounts of people’s urine. Yeah. I went there. I give this bathroom a 5/10: Poor ventilation, had to buy stuff to use it, so hot, small and claustrophobic. Cool pattern below the mirror gets a point.

The Duke of York hotel, Adelaide, South Australia: 
This particular venue is one I often visit when I’m out and about. The duke is regarded for it’s laid-back atmosphere and reasonably priced drinks. Something it is not regarded for is it’s bathrooms.
This particular bathroom is located in the hallway connecting the outdoor beer garden to the rest of the venue. It’s rather small, containing only one toilet and a trough big enough to fit maybe four people shoulder to shoulder.
The decore is nothing to wet your pants over but it doesn’t have me heaving up my cheap pints upon entry either. One night after the Adelaide university engineering society bbq, my friends and I were pubcrawl hopping and found ourselves here. The state of the toilet was pretty lackluster. You can see the toilet was in a funny state of not knowing what to do with it’s seat. This made for an interesting toilet experience. Every movement upon this fragile thrown was like riding a water slide, slipping and sliding across the bowl. I’d say it was one of the crappier duke toilet experiences I’ve had (thought I’d use that one early on to get it out of the way).
Like many pub/ clubs in Adelaide, this bathroom isn’t great. It’s definitely not the worst I’ve seen, but no where near the best. I rate this bathroom a 5/10; average, nothing awe inspiring, the occasional loose toilet seat provides some mild entertainment and not always dirty.

The Duke of York hotel, Adelaide, South Australia:

This particular venue is one I often visit when I’m out and about. The duke is regarded for it’s laid-back atmosphere and reasonably priced drinks. Something it is not regarded for is it’s bathrooms.

This particular bathroom is located in the hallway connecting the outdoor beer garden to the rest of the venue. It’s rather small, containing only one toilet and a trough big enough to fit maybe four people shoulder to shoulder.

The decore is nothing to wet your pants over but it doesn’t have me heaving up my cheap pints upon entry either. One night after the Adelaide university engineering society bbq, my friends and I were pubcrawl hopping and found ourselves here. The state of the toilet was pretty lackluster. You can see the toilet was in a funny state of not knowing what to do with it’s seat. This made for an interesting toilet experience. Every movement upon this fragile thrown was like riding a water slide, slipping and sliding across the bowl. I’d say it was one of the crappier duke toilet experiences I’ve had (thought I’d use that one early on to get it out of the way).

Like many pub/ clubs in Adelaide, this bathroom isn’t great. It’s definitely not the worst I’ve seen, but no where near the best. I rate this bathroom a 5/10; average, nothing awe inspiring, the occasional loose toilet seat provides some mild entertainment and not always dirty.

Introduction: BLOG COMING SOON!

Hello internet people,

This blog is dedicated to bathroom reviews from my travels around Earth. I first encountered this idea after a trip to Canada a few years ago. During this time I came across several bathrooms that I found to be substandard and from this point on I acquired an eye for noticing the good and bad in bathrooms.

I hope to inform people of places that provide the best bathroom services, and those that are just crappy.

If enough people are interested, I’ll start allowing follower submissions soap-eople can participate in an open forum for bathroom knowledge. I’ll take submissions from everywhere, no matter what part of the world urine

It’s all about what you know, in regards to where to go ;)

I’ve stalled making this blog for long enough, so it’s time to tap into my writing ability and sink of some witty comments to make about bathrooms. Flush out your ignorance and replace it with THE TRUTH!